I got a call back from my biological father today and as much as you try to be prepared for this, I gotta say, the rejection really hurts. And beyond that he refused my two requests. I hoped that he could supply me with a medical history and my genealogy. His answer was no.
Oh and he also requested that I not try to get into contact with his parents because they are old and it would hurt them so much.
Fantastic. So if I do try and contact them that makes me a selfish bitch who doesn't care if she breaks the heart of her elderly, ailing grandparents. Wonderful.
I wish I had been better prepared. All I could say after he informed me that he does not want any sort of relationship AND he will not be getting me MY family history or MY medical information was, "oh. well, everyone has to do what is best for them."
Lame, right?
I'm going to have me a good cry now.
Oh and he also requested that I not try to get into contact with his parents because they are old and it would hurt them so much.
Fantastic. So if I do try and contact them that makes me a selfish bitch who doesn't care if she breaks the heart of her elderly, ailing grandparents. Wonderful.
I wish I had been better prepared. All I could say after he informed me that he does not want any sort of relationship AND he will not be getting me MY family history or MY medical information was, "oh. well, everyone has to do what is best for them."
Lame, right?
I'm going to have me a good cry now.
15 Little Notes:
I'm sorry! But who needs him, like you already said in one of your blog posts, you had the worlds best dad (don't worry I won't debate that, at least not today :D ) and he's looking down from heaven, spending time with each grandbaby before he sends them down to be with you, thinking how proud he is to have had the privilage to raise such an amazing girl, how proud he is that you've turned into such an amazing lady and mommy, and how excited your REAL dad will be to see you again someday!! And then when we're all there you can introduce me to him. WE LOVE YOU BECKY! I'm glad I married into such an amazing family, with such an amazing sister-in-law!
P.S. although technically you don't need him, as far as I know to find out your geneology. I think it's doable on the LDS geneology website to look up basic family information, and he, your birth dad, or his parents would never have to know. You should ask Linda. I bet Uncle Rick could help, since he does that for a living.
Oh Becky, I'm so sorry. What a hard thing to go through.
Lots of hugs and prayers sent your way. Wish I could take you out for frozen yogurt and let you cry and vent it out.
:( It sounds like your birth mom made the best choice allowing you to be raised by TWO amazing parents.
Oh no! So sorry Becky.
Although... according to his logic of "oh. well, everyone has to do what is best for them" then do what is best for YOU and by any means get your medical history!!! Ignore his request to not contact your bio grandparents - he will have to deal with the fallout!!! Also, this might be exactly the kind of news the grandparents need to progress on their life journey. The truth ALWAYS helps-even if at first it hurts. But for goodness sakes! Anyone in their right mind would be overjoyed to find out about your existence and to have you as a relative!!!
Best wishes for you whatever you decide!!!
Ohhhh you said that to him. Oops. I misread.
Ugh. I am sorry that you hurt. My thought about his response to you is that maybe he has one of those wives who grabs hold of their husband's testicles so tightly that he isn't allowed any wiggle room. Balls are funny
HA HA HA!!! Gail, you're freaking hilarious. I'll bet you anything that's what it was.
Well, it's my turn to be furious for you. I'm so sorry you had such a terrible and distasteful experience with a total tool. He made a mistake long ago, something he'd like to pretend didn't happen, and he obviously lacks the character and decency to own up to it and make things right. I'm sorry you had to find that out the hard way.
That being said, you have no obligation to honor his wishes, since he won't do the decent thing and honor yours (WHICH AREN'T AT ALL UNREASONABLE, BY THE WAY!!). It's perfectly okay to contact your grandparents and, without vindictiveness, let them know who you are. Enough advice columns have told me that THEY'RE the ones who should decide whether or not they want you in their lives, not their son. I'll bet they're hale and hearty, in their 70s, and taking cruises.
Again, I'm sorry for your rotten experience. How very lucky you were to be raised by a real man and a good one at that.
I am so sorry for you AND for him. He is opting out of the chance to get to know a fantastic young woman that would make his own life have more meaning and depth. It is his loss, and it is sad that he will never know what he is missing! How stupidly ignorant of him!
I agree with the above posters... you have every right to contact your biological grandparents. Good luck with everything!
OUCH!!! I understand more than you know...We should have a talk at some point.. No matter what, children love their parents... unconditionally..Why is that part of the plan? Guess it makes it even that much better for our own children ;0)...Long story short...{in relation} Stephen has worked away from home for the past 8 or so months..passing through on some weekends..my 5 year old {girl} is REALLY having separation issues..every night she cries a deep GUT cry...The other night I was trying to console her and she said " Mama I REALLY miss Daddy" I responded with " I understand, baby" Then her profound comment..." But Mama, I know you will NEVER leave me cause your mommy left you as a baby, and you know how that feels...It hurts huh!? SOOOBBBBB "..... I tell ya, I took 2 steps back from the bed, fell to my knees and prayed with my lovely little lady..feeling every ache and began to gut cry too...Becky, I have some connection with you..even as a distant cousin..I know I knew you another time other than now. Many HUGS and much understanding.. Hope to see you in the future..We are moving to Redding in the next few weeks :0) Stephen got a promo, so fingers crossed..we hope to have him back ;0)and see you guys more too ;0)
omgeeee jUST READ Gail's comment...She may have nailed it!! lol
Ugh... Just catching up on blogs (we were in Dland last week). SO sorry he was such a jerk to you! I agree with the others. He's missing out. And you should definitly contact your grandparents. You have a right to your medical history and it doesn't make any sense that he wouldn't even give you that!
All I have to say is wow. I'm shocked that he wouldn't even have the decency to provide you with a medical history. Guaranteed he's still thinking about you and that phone call though...
Good luck and know that you are loved.
I am so, so sorry!
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