(All of my pictures today have nothing to do with the rest of my post.)
I've had a few themes swirling through my brain for the last few weeks. Having three small children in the home can put a strain on your brain. Not so much intellectually but on your sanity. Especially when one of those children happens to be and infant and is, at the moment, sick.
I'm trying not to let my ADD get the best of me here so I'm going to (try) to focus on one of the continuously looped themes and see if writing it out gives me any clarity. I've been thinking a lot about finding the right balance for me and my family. I've talked about it before but, as I said before, having three littles now and having two of them sick gives me a lot of time to lament my problem.
Being a mom today is so complicated. A hundred years ago life was incredible difficult. People lives were almost entirely drive by necessity. A woman and mother had so much to do. Growing a garden, mending the clothes, washing the clothes, sewing the clothes, preparing the food, cooking the food, cleaning up the food, washing floors, chopping wood and on and on. Life was hard and busy from dawn until (or after) dusk. Every moment filled with all that needed to be done. And that was life. There was not really a question of what should be done it was what had to be done.
Conversely, today, we have a lot of "free" time. It's this "free" time that has been vexing me as of late.
We are no longer driven entirely by necessity. We have a lot more choice in how our days are spent and what our days look like. There are still things that need to be done but the urgency is not there. And that's what I'm hung up on. What should I be doing? What should my days be filled with. I'm having a hard time finding the right balance in my life. I want to have and do and be it all.
Am I spending enough time with my kids? Too much? What about my house? Is it clean enough? Is it nice enough? What does my space "say" about me and my family? What does it "say" to my kids? or about my kids? Do I do the dishes now or wait until the kids are in bed? My I teaching my kids the right things? Will they be ready for school? Am I ready for school? Is the food I'm feeding them good enough? Am I spending too much time on the food and not enough time on them. And on and on. (Like I said, my creep continuous loop.)
I guess the answer to my question, or only thing that stops my loop of self-doubt is I can't. I can't do and be and have it all. Striking my balance is not going to be a one time deal. It will be a ever changing and evolving thing. My "normal" today will probably not be my normal next month. Sometimes things will flow smoothly and sometimes they will come to a crashing halt and that's okay. If the house is mess today maybe tomorrow it will get done. If I let the kids watch too much TV today it's not the end of the world. Tomorrow is a new day. Life will go on. I'll try to do my best. Some days will feel like a success and some days will feel like a catastrophe. Either way tomorrow is a new day.
Phew! I feel a little better now that I got that out! I'm curious, though; what does your give and take look like? Mine, lately, has been more focused on cooking which means the rest of the house is falling behind and my dishes keep stacking up.
More mindless ramblings to come so beware!